I feel so shitty right now.

All week long, I open a notebook or my word processor and just stare at it, and nothing comes. I keep telling myself to just force it, but there's nothing in for me.

It's like I'm already tapped out.

I feel so stressed out, so worthless, so pointless. Like no matter what I do, no one cares, no one will recognize it. Like I'll always be this asinine hack loser that can't get you to look past the second sentence of everything he writes.

It's just that time of the year, I tell myself. You always get like this now.

But I just can't shake it this time.

I just feel like I'm wasting my time, because even now I'm not seeing anything to show me that I'm doing some good.

Who I was hates who I am.

I'm rambling now. Always a good sign.

There's just this disconnect, this level of bullshit. I keep myself distanced from the negativity, but every once in a while it creeps back in and screams at me, and reminds me that for all my professionalism, for all my creativity, for all my attempts at being serious, no one ultimately gives a shit about me.

I wish I could be evil.